KIN NOTES
PART ONE
A Skeleton Key to Qim Tunes
FANFARE TO THE SUN
Once there was a way to get back homeward
Once there was a way to get back home
Sleep, pretty darling do not cry
and I will sing a lullabye.
Golden slumbers fill your eyes!
Smiles awake you when you rise!
“Golden Slumbers” (Lennon, McCartney)
INVOCATION
. . . and the stressful constraint
and the ordeal of the pit and they shall be refined by them to become the elect
of righteousness . . . because of His loving-kindness. For the age of wickedness
is complete and all injustice has passed away. For the time of righteousness
has come and the earth is full with the knowledge and praise of God.
4Q215, f2 (Dead Sea Scrolls)
I consider that our present
sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.
The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed . .
. [A]nd he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the
Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will.
Romans 8:18
As of now, I announce to you new
things, Well-guarded secrets you did not know . . .I am bringing my victory
close; It shall not be far, And my triumph shall not be delayed.
Isaiah 48:6
I feel like letting my Freakflag
fly!
“Almost Cut My Hair” (David Crosby)
These commentaries, called Kin
Notes, are speculations on the intact document Qim Tunes, available
at
Kin
Notes, begun in 2001, was originally
addressed to Tom Smith as personal correspondence, and grew in discovery. The “Socratic” format sometimes is retained.
My
interjections to Qim Tunes appear below in boldface italics.
These Notes
are speculations that in no way represent “official
interpretations” of Qim Tunes -- as no such thing does or could
exist. Despite the fact that, like Tom
Smith, I have construed some parts of Qim Tunes personalistically, such
guesses are not a proprietary claim on the Tunes’ “Truth” – or on
any truth, even lower-case -- but mostly me scratching my noggin and muttering
out loud . . . in public!
I no
longer think of the Tunes as a “document,” but more as a
concert-in-the-round, a bio-plasmate, a liquid gem that’s much larger, and much
more important, than any personalistic interpretation or intention. For a moment the River of Time has been
stilled before us in glittering refraction, its diamond-crests frozen that we
might glimpse its make, and perhaps its maker.
So:
Readers are strongly urged to read and experience the intact,
unannotated Qim Tunes via the above link, to form their own opinions
(lest my blathering spoil your Cruise!)
Enjoy the
outing!
~ the
common tator~
QIM TUNES
BY:
Tom: Tom Smith (Jed) - Facilitator - 46 years old
Brent: (Centinel) 45
Nick: (Weiner) 26
Geoff: (JoJo) 24
Adrian: 31
Jerome: 28
DEDICATIONS
To: All That Is
To: The Innocent, Disabled, Persecuted and Poor of Humanity
To: "The Boys" and Jesus Christ; To The Apostle Thomas, Buddha,
Abraham, Mohammed, and Satchidanada
To: Jimi Hendrix and The 60’s Generation
To: Nicole and Zachary, Richard and Esie Smith, Doug and Kathy, The Supparritts
Family, Tom Perry, Dee Kiker and Bud Hosmer
To: Stendahal, Hugo, Soren Kierkegaard, Tolstoy, Whitman, Theroux, Chekov,
Dostoevsky, Jack London, Jack Keroac, Lenny Bruce and John Barth
To: The MMPI, Harry Sack Sullivan, Karl Menninger and ICF
To: Chatauqua, Plato’s Theory of Knowledge and the World Wide Web
To: Rejoicing!
FORWARD
I always believed there was a power or intelligence greater than myself that
was operating in my life, but since there was no way of knowing what God was, I
avoided any speculation about Him. I thought that by being honest and good to
other people, my debt to the Divinity would be satisfied. As my life progressed
(I’m 48), I took comfort that I expanded on that duty in my work of service the
past 25 years to the most disabled. But I also fell short.
I never expected in my lifetime to know who God was as a physical entity. If
God was a physical being, it could only be something not of this planet. And
then in 1993 and 1994 while I was doing my ten dollar an hour job and using a
new communication technique with my clients, I slowly realized that I was talking
to God’s "agents". I wrote the whole conversation down. This book is
that narrative, and due to the nature of the experience, my own testimonial.
It’s natural to have a defensive reaction to this idea. The idea of
"God" has connotations that affect deeply the emotions of believers
and non believers. A few laughs never hurt anyone. But ridicule and derision
are another matter. This was a sincere effort on my part and these are real
people I was responsible for. If you believe this is an exercise of my over
active immagination, that’s OK. In that case I hope you enjoy what you think is
my creativity. And if you believe that they are saying these things, but that I
influenced them in some way or misinterpreted what they were saying, that’s OK
too. I hope when others present their material, my effort will gain more
respect. For those of you who just aren’t interested, as one of my boys in the
narrative said, "books are your first line of deception". But I think
he would agree that this one is special. I have no doubts that they said all
this to me. Something they did in Part II puts all doubts to rest.
My hope and belief is that this is the beginning of the prophesied millenium of
peace and harmony. They indicated that we’ll know in less than ten years and
that they knew this time was coming in 3,525 B.C. I’ll be surprised if it
doesn’t happen.
INTRODUCTION
Five out of every 10,000 humans are born with Autism. There are presently
almost 2 million Autistics in the world today. The condition is probably genetic
and has therefore been a part of the human population for thousands, maybe
millions, of years.
Autism was first identified by Kanner in the 1940’s. It’s a distinct syndrome
from retardation and mental illness, but to a layman it appears to be either or
both. The difference is that they appear to be mentally somewhere else. They
respond very little or not at all to people; repeat words or phrases or are
totally mute; and rhythmically "stim" on objects. These symptoms vary
relative to the "severity" of the condition. Some Autistics that are
considered "high functioning" can communicate in sentences in a
limited fashion. "Low functioning" Autistics need total care because
their motor abilities are severely deficient.
This document is the product of "low functioning" Autistics. Some had
occasional incontinence, all had severe communication problems, and some needed
help in moving from place to place. I’ll describe them more specifically later.
The method of Facilitated Communication (FC) was first used with Cerebral Palsy
patients starting 20 years ago. Cerebral Palsey is clearly a motor (movement)
disorder. It’s a disease that can strike people later in life and cause them to
lose their motor abilities. Talking, being a motor ability, was also lost.
Since we associate the ability to communicate with intelligence, it was assumed
that they also lost their intellectual abilities. As our understanding of brain
functioning progressed in this century, it became evident that the loss of
communication didn’t necessarily translate to a loss of awareness or
intelligence.
In the 80’s an Australian woman, Rosemary Crossley, had been working with
Cerebral Palsy patients and using FC when she was exposed to an Autistic
population. She noticed that they had similar motor problems and tried to FC
with them. It worked.
I first heard of Facilitated Communication in April of ‘92. It was presented at
a staff meeting by our supervisor, Guy Mecham, as a communication technique
that we could possibly use with the six Autistic clients in our care. My
response was that this sounded like another intervention that wouldn’t work. In
my twenty five years of working with Autistics, I’ve witnessed many well
meaning but misguided attempts to help them. The thought also occurred to me
that someone might come along and make ridiculous claims about them using FC.
The method required that the staff hold the pointing hand of the client, put
pressure back on his hand while the client pushed his pointing finger toward a
letterboard thereby spelling out words and talking.
In hindsight, my reaction was unusually skeptical considering my past attitudes
toward Autistics. Two years before this, before I ever heard of FC, I had
enough faith in the intelligence of one of my Autistic clients (Brent), that I
put a typewriter in front of him hoping he would type a message to me. Herein
lies the dilemna of FC. Could I believe what another person using FC claimed
these people were saying?
Due in part to my skepticism, FC wasn’t tried in the residential unit that I was
working at. This was one of the few times that my skepticism carried the day in
treatment team meetings. We had previously been presented with even more
ridiculous treatment modalities that we weren’t given a choice about. But FC
was used at the vocational program because of a supervisor who encouraged its
use and Nick’s (an autistic) one to one staff, Jim McCune, who tried FC for
five months before getting results.
It was the moment that I read what he produced with Nick that I believed there
was a possibility that this was working. The document was a running
conversation of a few pages between Jim and Nick. It not only sounded like
Nick’s personality (I had worked with Nick for three years before this), but it
seemed unlikely that Jim could have made this up, consciously or unconsciously.
Other staff members who read it felt the same way, and we all tried our hand at
it after convincing our supervisor and going through training. This was in the
summer of ‘92.
Part of the training was to read all the literature on FC. The most damning was
the twenty or more double blind studies. In these studies, the staff and client
would sit together to FC at a table. A wall would run perpendicular to them
from the table to 20 feet away. At the far end on either side of the wall there
would be a board where pictures could be tacked on. The client couldn’t see the
picture that the facilitator saw and the facilitator couldn’t see what the
client saw. Whenever the pictures were different, the client would answer
through FC only what the facilitator saw. This happened close to 100% of the
time, indicating that the Facilitator was talking and not the client. That this
should happen 100% of the time was unusual in this kind of experiment.
Supporters of FC hypothesized that the testing situation was the culprit; that
the clients may be experiencing nervousness, becoming careless and going with
the facilitators impulses. This argument played into the skeptics hands by
acknowledging that there is Facilitator influence over what is being produced.
There have been some scientific studies that have validated FC. But the
preponderance of scientific evidence indicates a lack of validity. Then again,
there can be an argument made that the truth or validity of anything we say is
at least philosophically suspect. Autistics, especially low functioning ones,
have learned to live without communicating. And when they do communicate, they
may not be interested in some of the things that we’re interested in.
There’s plenty of evidence, besides the thousands of parents and caretakers who
know they’re talking through FC, that should give pause to the most religiously
skeptical person. There are many Autistics who have gone from full hand support
FC to no support. There are two Autistics who have emerged from the disorder,
have recieved advanced degrees and written books about the experience. Both
state how their perception and ways of knowing were very different than ours.
As with Autistic Savants, like Dustin Hoffman’s character in Rain Man, their ways
of knowing and perceiving were much more advanced than ours and science has no
explanation for it.
Both FC’s believers and skeptics have made serious mistakes that have harmed
others, blocked a reasoned investigation of the process and under utilized FC’s
therapeutic value. It began when FC’s supporters insisted on its validity in
areas of sexual allegations. Even with speaking clients these accusations are
often suspect. You can believe someone is talking and not have to believe what
they are saying. Why would they lie about something like this or other things?
If more of us were talking to them and trying to learn more, maybe then we
could find out. That’s what I did in this project.
Because of the debacle over the sexual allegations, the skeptics have over
reacted. One Australian researcher stated at the end of his study that was
published by the Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, that FC was as
dangerous as giving a patient psychiatric medications that didn’t need them. In
other words, FC is as dangerous as poison. FC is essentially holding a persons
hand and thinking that they are aware and intelligent. Dangerous stuff. It’s
not valid, so what we think they are saying can’t hurt anyone. Many skeptics in
the professional community have successfully banned FC from some institutions
on the grounds that it is unethical. These scientific skeptics are the same
group that used cattle prods on this population 15 years ago as a tool for
Aversive Therapy. My employer thought that the spiritual content of my FC’s was
dangerous enough to ease my fanny out of a job. But as one of my boys said,
"The nemesis furthers the goal". I have many other anecdotes about
believers and skeptics silly reactions over FC. These people are intelligent
and caring enough to be more reasonable in time. It has only been five years
since FC became widely used.
Three staff were FCing before I started. They were young and very excited about
being part of such an important discovery. I was reading their work and still
seeing consistency with the personalities of these guys I had known for so
long. Alot of it seemed self serving in a kiss-up sort of way, but still
consistent with what I thought their personalities to be.
I began to FC in August ‘92. Nicole Jansen, a fellow worker and my apartment
mate at the time, would come home and swear that one of the clients had read
her mind. The client would spell out in detail what she did after work and what
some of her thoughts were. She would tell me about this in confidence and I was
excited about it too, but my position was, "so what, it doesn’t keep them
from acting like idiots". My job was to help them to be more like us and
to meet their needs. Implications of their mind reading would not occur to me
until a year later when I also experienced it. Two other staff were also
reporting similar experiences and in the comming year we would also hear
reports of it nationally.
In October of ‘92, our supervisor (Mecham), mandated that the staff not talk to
the clients about mind reading until further notice. His rationale was that it
was making the staff hysterical and affecting their jobs. ( This wasn’t true.
One of the staff had a drug problem and was missing alot of work.) He also
mandated that we no longer share our work with each other - we couldn’t discuss
what our clients were saying even if they gave their permission. This was the
beginning of a series of decisions that would discourage the use of FC, and two
years later, kill it.
I was ambivalent about the validity of the FC I was getting in the first three
or four months. I had a scientific orientation and knew there was a distinct
possibility that I might be influencing the direction of their hand. But more
importantly, I was getting sophisticated language and ideas from them that just
didn’t gell with how they appeared. The only way I could check out whether I
was influencing the direction of their hand was at the point where I drew their
hand back, let up on the pressure, and see what direction they started in. I
was convinced that they were initiating. But there was one client in particular
I had no doubts about. That was Nick. He was consistently and clearly spelling
the words out. I often wondered why he needed to have me hold his hand. I would
see why whenever he insisted on making a period at the end of a sentence. I
would hold the board up without holding his hand while he tried to hit the
period. It took all his concentration and he always hit right above it. He
couldn’t hit the inch square box it was in.
By November or December ‘92, I was convinced that they were talking. Now my
problem was to see if they could shed light on the difficulty with the double
blind studies. But I didn’t want to get into that until I got to know them
better and the dynamics of this rather unusual way of communicating. I used FC
to be "chummy". I quickly discovered that there were alot of problems
and pitfalls inherent in the process. For example. When I first started to FC,
I would sit next to a client I had known for 3 years and not be able to think
of a question. This was my first opportunity to talk with someone who had never
talked before, plus I had a real emotional attachment to them. Because of their
behavioral limitations due to Autism, there was no visual or audio feedback
that is customary when talking to normal people. I overcame that problem after
a few months.
The next problem was how to be fair. The Facilitator controls the when and what
of the conversation. The clients do have some control over the
"what". I’d ask them what activity they’d want to do and they would
start talking about something else, or not talk at all. So in this manner they
can influence the "what". It was clear from the beginning that they
weren’t interested in using this method for getting their needs met. Put yourself
in their shoes. Suppose you couldn’t talk and people thought you were an idiot
all your life. Caretakers were always guessing at what your needs were. You
appreciated the effort, but they were often wrong. You were inured to hardship
and may have even prided yourself at your ability to endure it, while everyone
else was running around getting all their needs met and still bitching about
life. Maybe because of your condition and hardships, you were able to develop
some extra abilities to deal with your torturous life. Now this sweet young
caretaker wants to know whether you want peas or carrots for dinner. And if you
don’t spell it out, you’re an idiot. Then if you spell out later to another
staff that you read minds, the staff has to say to the client, " I’m sorry,
I can’t talk about that or I’ll get fired".
These guys have alot to say, but it may not be what we want to hear. They would
frequently insult me. I’d get an attitude and walk away. Then it would occur to
me that this is not fair. Maybe they had more to say and my
"attitude" would be just a misunderstanding. So I’d go back, and sure
enough, it was a misunderstanding or something more appropriate in the context
of what they were allowed to say after that.
By April ‘93, five of my Autistic clients were talking to me through FC. The
other staff who were FCing had gone on to other jobs and the new staff were not
being trained and then told they needed to complete training before they could
start FCing. There was one other staff FCing, but not very often. I was using
any spare time I could get to continue the conversation. Now I was asking them
what the problem was with the double blind study. They consistently said it was
by choice, they didn’t want FC validated, and they were "hiding".
This made no sense to me.
By the summer of ‘93, I was starting to get resistance from the staff and my
supervisor. Maybe they thought I could do something more useful than sit next
to a client, hold his hand and pretend he was talking. The conversational FC
would usually take 5 to 10 minutes though sometimes it could take up to 30
minutes. I would write 3 or 4 words down at a time because that was all I was
able to remember accureately. While I was doing this, the staff was chatting
with each other or watching TV. Don’t get me wrong, we had good staff and they
were working hard and doing a good job. A certain amount of relaxation was
necessary to maintain a natural environment. Some of the staff may have
believed in FC and were jealous that I was doing it. Maybe they were afraid I’d
use what the clients were saying to undermine them. I knew that I was in a bad
spot. I met with Dick Drake, my boss’ boss, to air these concerns and asked for
my wages to be doubled. He said that wouldn’t be possible, but that Seaton Hall
(the institution) "supports FC". If so they sure had a funny way of
showing it.
I almost quit at this point, but decided to hang in there alittle longer. If
these guys were hiding, and they wouldn’t say why, it wasn’t my problem. A
month later they started telling me why. Before that, Adrian( one of the
Autistics ) said, "You are doing well at trying to understand us, but you
miss the main point". I said, "What’s the `main point’"? He
said, "Your not ready to hear it now, but soon you will be".
When I got the "main point" and started to write down all my FC’s, I
also started getting enough resistance from the supervisor and some staff to
know my days were numbered. I worked extra hard to take care of my normal
responsibilities so that I could finish the job. By Christmas, I felt I had
enough material to take this outside of Seaton Hall. I insisted on the truth,
which made me a "Secret Sharer" of sorts, with responsibilities
toward them. But I wasn’t working for them only, we were working for the truth.
The following facilitated quotes are by an autistic, that were in "Movin
On", by Donellan and Leary 1993 (leading researchers and publishers in the
field of Autism)
"As the truth about our diversity of gifts becomes known to more people we
can begin to join the others."
"The significant change will occur when people realize what we can
teach".
The below is a direct quote from the researchers Donnellan and Haskew:
"Communicators (Fcing Autistics)refer to talking with God, to the power of
prayer, the need for love in the spirit of agape, and to the consolation they
gain from religious expression. Again and again facilitators learn of amazingly
rich spiritual lives.
"A man (Autistic) told us, `Religion is where you can hear angels sing.’
Communicators report about angels who function as protectors, and tell us that
life beyond the grave awaits us all. There are reports, too, of darker
spiritual forces at work as well. For many facilitators the ramifications of
their communicators spiritual lives prove profoundly moving, and sometimes
frightening. It ranks with the possibility of mind reading as being the most
disturbing discovery of FC."
This next quote is from an Autistic who was FC’d with in front of an audience
of FC supporters with Douglas Biklin (FC’s national promoter) presiding. This
was in the Frontline documentary.
"And please encourage us and Doug to be able to become a part of your
world and get the hell out of our world."
Qim Tunes is mostly “basement business”
. . . ashes work
. . . full-canary
mining down the rabbit-hole collective freefall of the modern West
Hi Ho! Hi Ho! it’s off to work we
go!!
with typical ambiguity, the autistic interviewee’s statement can
also be read as a request simply to help remove the “hellish” or imprisoning
muteness of the “autistic world” – or, as a general challenge against
malevolent “planetary powers”
these Boys joke around a lot -- they
like to tease and have fun
but most of the Qim Tunes is serious business
From Donna William’s book "Nobody Nowhere". Miss Williams was
Autistic in her youth, but came out of it in late teenage years. This book
describes her experience as an Autistic.
"At school strange things were happening. I would have daydreams in which
I was watching children I knew. I would see them doing the most trivial things:
peeling potatoes over the sink, getting themselves a peanut butter sandwich
before going to bed. Such daydreams were like films in which I’d see a sequence
of everyday events that really didn’t relate in anyway to myself. I began to
test the truth of these daydreams, approaching the friends I’d seen in them and
asking them to give a step by step detailed picture of what they were doing at
the time I had the daydream.
Amazingly, to the finest detail, I would find I had been right. This was
nothing I controlled, it simply came into my head, but it frightened me."
All these quotes, except the Frontline quote, I read for the first time in May
‘94, toward the end of my conversation with these guys. I’m sure there are many
more quotes that would corroborate what I got, but institutions won’t allow
outsiders to see the material.
The title "Qim Tunes" was suggested by Geoff, one of the Autistic
communicators. Qim stands for "Quotes I Am" and "tunes" are
described in the dialog. ( Note 1/96. He didn’t actually say "Q"
stood for quotes. I assumed it because we were using the word
"quotes" alot in referring to this document. In my religious reading
recently I came across another meaning for "Q" that, knowing these
guys, they more likely had intended, especially considering the way the
conversation went. Scholars of the New Testament hypothesize that there was a
document of wisdom sayings attributed to Jesus that was circulatng before the
gospels were written and that were used in the writing of certain Gospels. It’s
called the "Q" document, Q being derived from the German word
"quelle" meaning the source. )
The body of the narrative is typed directly from my original notes. The shorter
bracketed notes were made as I was doing this. The longer bracketed notes were
made when I first typed up the whole first Part in Oct.’94. Notes in
parenthesis are from Feb. ‘96. All other notes are dated. This time layer of
notes I felt was impotant to show my evolving perspective and interpretation of
the material.
PART I
RAPTURE
I took the liberty of dividing this book into three parts and naming them. I
hope the boys approve. I chose the Revelation subdivisions without being aware they
came from Revelations. I did know it represented some end of the age
eschatology. The reason I chose it was my fondness for the word rapture. I read
the Book of Revelation and other religious materials since the completion of
the project and have been amazed at the appropriatenss of these subdivisions.
I’m so pleased with them that Chapters in this book will henceforth be Seals.
I didn’t begin writing all my FC’s down until October ‘93, a year after I began
Fcing. After I discovered their mind reading abilities and started
investigating it, I thought it was too important not to record. I also hoped
that the discussion would be entertaining enough for others to read and thereby
help the boys to begin to be understood. I knew that was a tall order considering
the controversy over FC and this idea of mind reading, but it had to start
somewhere. My main fear was that someone else was doing the same sort of
investigation somewhere, and I’d be a Johnny come lately. But if it wasn’t
interesting to read than it would be for naught anyway. After the first month
of writing everything down, I read through what I had and was pleased. By the
second or third month I was very pleased. Part I covers the first two and a
half months (early October ‘93 through mid December ‘93). Part II and III are
approximately four months of material each.
Friends who have read this have wanted to know more about the mechanics of
Facilitation. Each client has a different style, much the same way as in verbal
communication. Brent liked to go fast and fly on "Gossimer Wings" as
he put it in Part II.
unusual word, “gossamer” -- same one I used
yesterday in an e-mail to you, before first tackling these Tunes
hoo boy, here we go . . .
that didn’t take long, did it?
there’s this from Rudolph Steiner’s
lecture, “The Michael Inspiration”:
Mankind, throughout its
evolutionary history, has always been guided by impulses from the spiritual
world. Those who could see so far found these impulses written as it were in
brazen letters in a spiritual light, indicating the direction they should take.
What is thus found in the spiritual world might be compared with the signposts
of the physical world; not those that have just a pointing hand perhaps, and
the name of some place or other, but signposts on which is expressed in
powerful words — or at least in powerfully sounding words — what changes are
due to take place in human thinking, feeling, willing. I am speaking of
spiritual signposts. Such directions in the spiritual world, however, are
usually drawn up for human beings in a remarkable manner, and have been so in
all epochs — namely, in a kind of riddle-language.
This was the least validating style of the group for me. But it gave me a feel
for what telepathy is like. Though he preferred that fast style, he could at
times go slow and hit the letters in the most validating way. Because his style
was fast, I would often ask him to repeat a letter when I wasn’t sure, and
increase the pressure back on his hand. This was all done rapidly and it was
tricky. I also asked him more frequently to verify what he just said ( more on
that later ). Though he was the most difficult, he also was the most willing,
so I ended up talking to him more than the others. There are some other reasons
that I talked to him more. He was the oldest of the group at forty five years
of age. His nickname was Centinel, the keeper of the gate or secrets. I sensed
a leadership role that he played with the group and I had reason to believe
that the information he gave was more reliable. He was totally mute except for
being able to parrot a word on demand. There was a stoicism and
concientiousness about him. He has curly blond hair and sensitive blue eyes and
looked the way one would imagine God to look if God was one of us.
In talking about Brent’s style I mentioned feeling "Validated". This
idea of self validation was very important and effected greatly how I went
about this. Us facilitators were under alot of pressure from the skeptics so we
in turn put pressure on ourselves and the clients to FC in a validating
fashion. For me that not only included mechanics, but also not being able to
anticipate what they were going to say. They accomodated me in that area often
by using surprise or unexpected words or phrases. With the mechanics, I would
ask them to repeat frequently, vary the pressure back on their hand, change
rhythm or just break off.
The next client who’s "style" I will talk about is Nick. Now Brent
may have looked like God, but in the politics of the institution and dorm, Nick
was God. He had a famous parent who was active in the national Autism
organization and helped raise money for the institution. Nick also had the most
difficult behaviors to deal with, and he managed to dominate the place with
those behaviors. He had extreme repetitive verbal and motor behaviors. He’d get
stuck alot so to speak. There was frequent tantrums and aggressive behavior. He
was only aggressive in proportunate response to others aggression towards him.
He was truly a magnificent non violent warrior. He was also very good looking
and in the best athletic condition of anyone I’d ever known. His eyes were
fascinating. They were emerald green and his pupils would be either totally
dilated or contracted. He talked by repeating words or phrases but relative to
the context it was nonsense. He was able to answer yes or no and say "I
want to talk" reliably in the context of FC.
Nick and Brent were the two leaders initially in this conversation, though the
others gained prominence as time went on. Nick made an interesting statement in
September ‘93. He said that in this conversation he functioned for me as the
"encoder" and Brent functioned as the "decoder". I assumed
he was referring to the contrast in validity between their styles, but it might
mean more. Brent was the most consistant and forthright across facilitators and
over time about their unusual abilities. But for self validation, Nick was my
anchor.
Adrian’s FC style was more careful and cautious. But his behavior was that of a
joker. He liked making people laugh. Instead of careful and cautious, maybe shy
is a better way to describe his FC style. He would let me know he wanted to
talk sometimes by just hanging around me more than usual. Then I would ask him
verbally if he wanted to talk. He could say yes or no reliably. The mechanics
of Fcing with him was more eye to eye interactive than with the others. He was
playful and testy with the process. So I just played along and persisted until
he was done.
I need to stress here this idea of FC being more than just linguistically
interactive. Like I said, Adrian was "playful" and "testy"
during the process which would cause eye contact and gestural interaction
between us. All the other guys had other dynamics in the process which would
initiate other forms of interaction. Nick’s "fidgetiness", and
Brent’s "fast pace" would cause me to interact in physical ways
within the conversational context of FC. So they were getting much of the
plethora of interaction and attention that the rest of us get in a conversation.
Now we come to Geoff. He was the youngest of the group at 24 years old, though
Nick and Jerome weren’t much older. Geoff was easygoing and affable. He was the
artist of the group and looked the part with dark hair and a moustache. I just
enjoyed sitting next to him whether we were Fcing or not. He would laugh and do
his funny stereotypal gestures to try to get a laugh or to get some attention.
But he was all business when it came to FC. He more frequently responded
emotionally to the content of our conversation by pounding the table or with
smiles and glances. With the mechanics, a steady rhythm and light pressure
would do, but at times of uncertainty I would increase the pressure and change
rhythm.
I saved Jerome for last because he talked the least in the document, but like
the others, contributed equally and was equally
appreciated. Jerome is a gentle giant. At
a large 6’2" he’s imposing, but because he has Spinal Bifida, he’s as
gentle as a eunich.
When FC started in the dorm and all the
young staff were running from Autistic to Autistic competing to get the most
notches in
their FC belts, I was sitting next to
Jerome and trying to use the method to teach him how to spell. I really liked
Jerome and felt
sorry for him. While I was doing that on
Jerome’s left side (hand), another staff who FC’d came over to his right hand
and Jerome spelled out to him the reinforcer that I was using with him. I had
potato chips in front of him and was using them as a carrot to get
him to spell. I’m sure he was aggravated
as he spelled out to the other staff, "I want floppy shit" (potato
chips).It was the most
exciting moment of my career. He could
not only spell, he could swear creatively! When I went to his right hand
afterwards,
he started Fcing with me. They were all
right handed.
It was difficult Fcing with Jerome, because most of the time he would space out
by putting his head back and turn it back and forth repeatedly. Because of his
condition he just seemed to need to do that frequently. So when I FC’d with
him, I’d shake his hand occasionally to try to get his attention back to the
board. It was time consuming, so most of his quotes are brief.
I have a touching anecdote about Jerome and this FC business. One evening we
went to the Starling Bookstore and ran into a taxi driver who daily drove
Jerome to his work activities center. The taxi driver told us that he had a
dream about Jerome where he and Jerome were talking together. Jerome can’t
talk. He also can’t hear (but he hears some things somehow). Fortunately, I had
my FC board (it’s a clipboard with a sheet of paper taped to the back of it
that has large alphabet letters), and Jerome responded on the board, "I
had the same dream".
None of these guys can talk, but some of them can repeat phrases or laugh and
make noises, thereby interacting in a limited way. As I said Adrian is a joker.
He could repeat words or phrases in different vocal tones that would make the
staff laugh. He would twirl himself around, get dizzy and stagger around
causing the staff to crack up (the staff didn’t encouarage this routine too
often for obvious reasons). The only word I ever heard Geoff say was my name.
He would occasionally beckon me in a humorous way saying "Tommy". He
would also laugh and make certain noises to get people’s attention. Nick would
occasionally laugh appropriately at the staff. This would occur when staff were
talking about some dilemma in their lives, and then the laugh would be of a
sarcastic variety. Jerome and Brent were the only ones who didn’t interact. But
here is where FC produced a visual miracle for me.
I had known Brent for fifteen years, but only worked directly with him these
three previous years. All these guys were exceptionally good looking, but Brent
had this curly sandy hair and sensitive blue eyes. He never responded to
anything unless fearful and then he responded by running away. He would parrot
a word if asked to, but he was mute otherwise. Before FC hit, I would sometimes
talk heart to heart with him because I sensed that he was intelligent. I did
that with all of them, but especially with Brent. I never got a hint of a
response. During the last year of facilitation, Brent started smiling and
laughing. This may not seem like much to someone who hasn’t experienced it, but
to me it was a miracle. Before he couldn’t even maintain eye contact, now he’s
looking me straight in the eyes with a big open smile and all of a sudden he’s
a normal person who’s all there. He has a variety of intelligent and sarcastic
smiles and laughs that are appropriate to what’s going on.
Last July I decided that I had to resign in order to cash in on my annuity. I
had been working on call for a year after I left the dorm where I did this project.
I wasn’t being called to work so I needed money. I had to quit to get the
money. In Part I, I made a sarcastic remark to Brent about getting severence
pay. On July 7, 1995, I went to the institution to resign. I was walking from
my car thinking about that talk with Brent about the severence pay and feeling
guilty that I was actually on my way to get it. With that thought in my mind, I
turned the corner of the building and the first thing I see is Brent looking me
straight in the face with a big smile.
Any interpretations I make of what they say in this document are not
necessarily endorsed by them. They frequently upbraided me when I attempted
that with other people while this was being produced. They have intentionally
allowed room for a variety of interpretations. I recorded their words as
accurately as I could. I have read the typed narrative numerous times, and
though there may be typos in the notes, there are no typos in the narrative.
The formatting is unusual in Seal I. I tried to fix it unsuccessfully, but I’ve
come to like it this way because it’s appropriately unusual and dramatic. Most
of the punctuation in the narrative I did, except for exclamation and question
marks.
I did this on the run. It’s a very difficult line of work and we were doing a
class job. Most of the quotes took 5 to 10 minutes, longer ones took up to half
an hour. They always were given the choice to talk. With all choices or
verifications of what they were telling me, I had them spell out
"yes" and "no" instead of the one stop ports that were on
the letterboard marked and . Because of the absolute nature of those responses,
there were misunderstandings on my part as to their truthfulness. I tried to be
fair and rotate through the group, but that was difficult at times. I did make
an effort at consistency by reviewing the last few comments before starting to
FC with the next guy. There was also a practical problem with that and I did it
less than half the time. I recorded all FC’s on forms made up especially for
FC. For confidentiality, I’d fold them up after a session and put them in my
back pocket. Running to get the FC board, unfolding the paper, putting it on a
clipboard, and then searching for a pen, were all very time consuming. I stored
each days FC’s in my car and reviewed them monthly. When I sat down to FC with
them, I’d first ask if they wanted to talk. It wasn’t unusual for them to say
no. If they responded affirmatively, I would then ask if they wanted to say
something. If not, I would then try to think of something to talk about or ask
a question that was on my mind when I initially came to them to talk. The
consistency of the narrative was mostly their doing. If I was willing to learn
they were willing to teach me one step at a time.
I mention some personal problems and difficulties I was having while doing this
project, but they were inconsequential compared to the absolute joy and
excitement their revelations and love gave me. If you listen very closely and
give them the benefit of a doubt, you’ll feel it too.
All names, except mine, and some place names have been changed. The institution
I worked for threatened to sue me if I published this. They knew people would
be interested. Reputation and image are very important when your responsible
for helpless people. My disregard for both shouldn’t be allowed to reflect on
the excellent work they do.
My apologies for my clumsiness at writing. I’m a pretty good speller though. I
didn’t use the spell check. Maybe someday someone will help me smooth it out.
SEAL I
ADRIAN STEIN - LETTER TO HIS
MOTHER, JOY STEIN
Aug. ‘93 Adrian: Dear Joy,
I’m excited about coming home. Since our last meeting It has occurred to me
that home is where the heart is. Joy is the sweetest otter in the world.
this is an imprimatur, the formal
binding of a seal, cleverly disguised
an invocation, a ceremony – a prayer
before breaking Earth with a tool
or striking Her with rod-of-mouth!
this “letter” is an “oratorial” opening to Qim
Tunes and, as in the ancient world, an imprimatur or cylinder seal was a
kind of “royal sanction” (and these artifacts are now modern windows into the
past)
Adrian’s “letter home” suggests a Psalmist prelude,
an“orchestral conduction,” as in Psalm 68’s opening:
For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.
A song.
Adrian implies not only greetings to his personal mother, but to his “sweet
joy” -- Earth, this world, “mother”
otters are closely related to seals,
and thus “otter” puns the imprimatur
likewise, “otters” puns my slang for autistics (“otties”)
otters are also specific to water, which is the primordial feminine element,
especially in the oceanic sense of Creation
rather than an invocation of puffery or power, Adrian opts for a blessing of
joy and love to the whole planet
a gracious and good start!
Tom: What the heck do you mean by otter?
Adrian: She swims real well.
(through space/mindz)
Kurt von Meier, in his essay “A Ball
of Twine: Marcel Duchamp’s ‘With Hidden Noise’” discusses the Book of Kells and Saint
Cuthbert’s mystical relationship with sea otters:
The black sea otter appears at the bottom of the iota,
just above where the regularly lettered text (what little of it there is on the
page) continues: h is an abbreviation for autem, then generatio is spelled out
in the beautiful manuscript hand. As one reads the text, it is virtually
impossible to miss seeing the otter, situated as it is on the vertical line
between the i and the h (incidentally, lower-case exemplars of the first two
letters of the Tetragrammaton, the secret Holy Name, IHVH). The tails of both
the otter and the salmon are thus crossed at right angles by the line that
drops from the tail of the last letter in the monogram of Christ to the start
of the regular text. Since Christ is symbolized by the fish (and the salmon is
a particularly magical fish which mysteriously returns to its place of birth),
the Saint is the otter, who has "caught" the Spirit of Christ, having
divined the secret of rebirth, which is to say, the Mystery of the Resurrection,
the essence of the Holy Ghost. This illustration is as explicit as we could
hope or expect to see in alluding to the means employed by the saint (who
himself insisted on its secrecy) to attain the state in which he received such
grace.
Tom: Go on.
Adrian: Other than out in the wilderness, Joy is the otter that some might ...
Tom: Are you having a little trouble with this sentence?
Adrian:
Tom: You want some help?
Adrian:
Tom: How about finishing it with bother, it rhymes. Go on.
Adrian: You hear too that I’m doing new things not out in the world.
Tom: What do you mean by that?
Adrian: Not my omni self.
Tom: Are you talking in riddles because you’re a little nervous?
Adrian:
Tom: Now what’s this about your "omni self"?
Adrian: Im too nervous to finish.
Tom: Would you like to try tomorrow?
Adrian:
Note: This is the last facilitation I wrote down before I discovered and became
convinced of their mind-reading abilities. From this point on, I begin to learn
what he meant by "omni self".
late 9/93 or early 10/93
Adrian: You, Jed, be my sinuous jester. ( Jed is a nickname they gave me some
months before. )
Adrian's amalgam of serpent, holy
fool, and Djedi (“Jed”) traces at least to Sumer, Babylon, and Egypt, pointing
towards developmental stages of egoic consciousness, collective
ritual/religious expression, and spiritual/magical fraternity
the fertility ceremony called the
“Raising of the Djed” is dated at least circa 3,000 B.C.E. to pre-Dynastic
Egypt, and the Book of the
Dead calls the Djed the “spine”
of Osiris and the central pillar, or backbone, of the Universe
for example, the Djed Pillar of ancient Egyptian
iconography and “mythology” represents for some the World Tree, and the
planetary kundalini, or life force
iconic “shrines” or “working temples” like the
Egyptian Djed, Hebraic Ark, ziggurats,
pyramids, and other iconic/deific structures are found across both ancient and
modern East and West
the overtly ritualistic/ incantatory structures
of the modern West are not usually “religious temples,” but are occluded as
large-scale modern structures or complexes, often spanning city blocks
[yes! some right in the middle of River City!
LOL!]
Adrian’s comment linking [D]Jed and “sinuous
jester” of course suggests the serpent, with it’s old and disputed role in the exoteric and esoteric traditions, East
and West
one of the first and most persistent symbols of fertility, stability, renewal, and power was the Djed “pillar”
or “conservatory” considered “indwelled” by a messianic soul in the form of a
serpent, or nahash (NHSH)
in many cosmologies, the
“stored and hidden deity” resides especially within stones or temples,
functioning as a recurrent interface between the prophet and/or priest and the
“god” or “goddess”
the Egyptian word for serpent is
“djed-ft”
in “The Raising of the Djed,” Moira Timms remarks:
At a time when the planetary grid (Earth's
geometrically arranged energy system web) was understood and, it is believed,
consciously administrated by a global network of high initiate engineers, the
Djed was a sacred instrument in the powerful technology of "cosmos
regeneration" (a domain explored by the work of Reich and Tesla.) From the
geodetic and astronomic perspective, the raised Djed is the fixed reference
point which makes firm the bond between Earth and sky, evoking geophysical
stability at a time of increased potential for Earth changes. And, as we
approach the end of the prophecy sequence and the final 20 years of the current
cycle, the Djed replaces the prospect of Earth changes and geophysical
"pole shift" with that of "pole stability. . . The Raising of
the Djed has been called the "mystery of mysteries." It appears to
have been a physical ritual with psychospiritual and interdimensional
implications. . .
the Djed and its Djedi priests (knights) seem less foreign to Western
sensibility when we recall that the Hebrew tribes literally believed, and still
believe, that the Ark was/is the living dwelling
place of Yahweh, the guiding spirit of Israel
(“Jed-I” knights of course were popularized in “Star Wars”), and “Jedidejah” is
an alternate name of King Solomon
these speculations perhaps seem farfetched, or merely
delusional, but world mythology teems
with conflict amongst the “gods” – it is the very stuff of life from which
literature springs, as much an emblematic reality of Homeric-era consciousness,
for example, as uber-plot behind the “mortal events”
of The Iliad
often the divine battles are cosmogonic, eschatological, or
both simultaneously
all “real wars” have spirituo-religious
underpinnings and overtones, a sub-reality which ancient people generally
understood, and modern people generally do not – thus the latter have good reason to ask themselves: who were –
who are – these deities of ancient and aboriginal people? These persistent
pantheons, seemingly so far from the modern sensibility? Are the “gods” merely insubstantial and
illusory figments and projections, as rationalism and science assure?
Or do they reflect human character so
vividly and accurately because they share – have always shared – a very
physical aspect of intensely human character.
Once relations with god/the gods
deteriorated to mere “belief,” the death of deity was a done deal.
But perhaps our belief is not
required? perhaps the “gods” never
died, never stopped “indwelling the species” -- only concealed themselves for a
time behind myth or other guises
is there more – much more -- to the story of ancient gods?
there is always, it seems, more . . .
in 2001 or thereabouts, in my initial
e-exchanges with Tom Smith, he inferred that the authors of Qim
Tunes might be connected to the Hebrew prophets – an idea at which I
scoffed, finding it somehow offensive -- maybe a flashbacklash to my Catholic
boyhood
soon after, partly to disprove that the
document and its authors could have a legitimate bond with the desert fathers,
I read the Tunes
these four years later, I’m wondering not
whether “they” were/are the prophets, but whether Tom’s hypothesis didn’t go far
enough
Jerome: Very unhappy the roach extinguished. (
1\96 He knows I’m determined to start writng all this down for public
consumption. Some people think I should pull these personal referrences. I’m
leaving them in for reasons of good faith and because my character, the good
and the not so good, is an essential part of this story. )
Tom: Why are you hiding? ( I’m trying hard to change the subject )
Note: My main line of investigation in facilitating with them the year before.
This was concerning the validation problem. The most consistent answer they
gave was that they were hiding and didn’t want FC validated.
hiding with good reason, very
possibly, and no doubt ambivalent about their “outing”
masculinity emerged from the chthonic
unconsciousness of group-mind under matriarchal socio-organization patterned
after the “lower” primates – i.e., controlled by the collective feminine, with
a small tyrant or tyrant-group in, ah, titular command
Woman wasn’t the most powerful Deity,
she was the only Deity . . .
(basically the model we still have!)
ego-identity formed as masculine
opposition, antagonism, and complementarity to the primordial group-mind, which
was indistinguishable from Nature
the breaking away of masculine identity
from this Matrix, initially through spiritual or “shamanic” fraternities, was
the “original sin” or wound inflicted by masculine spiritus on
feminine materia, and was (and still is) interpreted by the collective feminine as
betrayal (as indeed it was, a sort of “necessary alienation”)
the ur-antagonism and ur-attraction of cosmic duality – by which Creation was
generated and is continued -- are contained, expressed, and potentially
resolved through the genders of the human species
“genderwar” is not a novel phenomenon of modern cultures – it is the very
foundation and dynamo of Creation, and of creativity, and can be traced in
matriarchal and “patriarchal” expressions of gendered group power to the
Paleolithic
the “bringers of civilization” throughout world mythology are almost invariably
oriented towards paternity, masculinity, fraternity, and typically some variant
of “solar monotheism”
the masculine, like consciousness itself, emerges over and against the
feminine, as a distinct entity, organizing for survival and specialization into
affinity groups out of the primal Mind
“mind reading” states, in which
collective information is gathered, processed, and sometimes shared, is
foundational to the species, and latent or partially realized in many individuals:
sub-collective (and later individuated) egoic consciousness is a VERY recent
addition, pioneered by the spiritual explorers and warriors
there were many “Men’s Movements” in
human psycho-social development, each of them revolutionary, dangerous, and
bloody expensive
[E]very change in the relation between the sexes is attended by
bloody events
-- Myth, Religion and Mother Right, J.J.
Bachofen
Kerry A. Shirts, in his online
article “Melchizedek Priesthood of LDS and Dead Sea Scrolls Perspectives,”
notes:
Melchizedek was also in charge of
the eternal process of creation, who by the spark, ignited light into the
worlds, hence an organizer of the worlds with the gods. God's assistants,
"the faithful servants of Melchizedek", rescue and preserve light
particles lest any be lost in space.
Many fraternities, until modern times, served as levees
against re-absorption of emerging
masculinity by the feminine (and thus, against regression of civilization to the
chthonic swamp of the Goddess, i.e., chaos/unconsciousness/talion)
Shirts’ “preservation of lost light
particles” is the Gnostic redemption of spirit hidden, or imprisoned, in matter
-- referring (in part) to human self-consciousness “buried” within our primal
animal natures
as Plato points out in “The
Philosopher King,” the citizens of the “upper worlds” must not remain there,
for they are needed below – likewise in Gnosticism, the lost, excluded, and fallen
must not remain “below,” but must be “rescued” and re-gathered into their
original state
perhaps this re-collectivization to
our primal telepathic/empathic condition is being overseen by the “guardians”
of masculinity, lest the benefits and lessons of egoic, individuated male
consciousness be trampled in our rush back to the “bliss” of collectivity, the
Great Boo-som.
after decades of feminist
“scholarship” and in the wake of revisionist herstory by Gimbutas, Eisler and
others, the popular mind – including
neo-Gnostic, Thelemic, and other “fraternal” or magickal circles – often
embraces a self-flattering “egalitarian, edenic, pre-patriarchal” preherstory
which was matriarchal, matrilineal, or (per Gimbutas) “gylanic” – crushed, of
course, by Those Brutes, The Evil Males of the Patriarchy (and, indeed, there
is some truth to this)
Earth has never witnessed an actual
widespread “patriarchy” – otherwise I don’t suppose Jesus would have run amok
preaching the “Father’s Kingdom,” brotherhood,
spiritual fellowship – he wasn’t touting Sisterhood Empowerment and the
Mother Goddess, not in my translations anyway . . .
All major aboriginal and modern groups are
essentially woman-centered, following the primate pattern
the fact that putative “men” typically
“lead” these groups – as evidenced by American society – does not prove
“patriarchy,” any more than does a baboon troop ruled by the collective
feminine, under charge of its local tyrannos (who serves at pleasure of the females, and is subject to removal
by them) prove that MonkeyKing is actually “in charge”
likewise, the presence of male
“leaders” through dynastic Egypt does not invalidate the essential gynocentrism
and idolatry of those cultures, especially prior to its “solar revolutions”
whether aboriginal or modern, human psycho-social organization is
Goddess-centered, developing both out of our fundamental collective psychology
and our bio-genetic procreative imperatives
in the modern West, despite the trappings of technology, the primate, Paleolithic
and early Neolithic psycho-social condition is replicated – regression to the
Matrix concomitant with “absentee” fatherhood, marginalized masculinity, spiritual void, and the
brethren remnant deep underground and “in hiding”
The month previous to this I became a believer
in their mind reading abilities. This is what Adrian had referred to earlier as
the "main point". Parapsychologists call it "remote
sensing". Though a month earlier was the first time I consciously believed
they had this ability, I had experienced it the whole year before but
attributed it to sensitive hearing or something else. I resisted the idea of
mind reading just as I’m sure anyone who’s reading this now is resisting it. My
first response to this discovery was not joy, but a sinking stomach. Here I was
trying to find a way to convince people that they were talking and that they
were as aware and intelligent as any of us. Now they are telling me that I have
to somehow get people to accept that they have this special problem of mind
reading. I knew the skeptics would have a picnic with that.
It was really hopeless. What happened was I switched gears. My curiosity kicked
in. I said to myself, " The heck with what everyone else thinks, this is a
great discovery and I want to know everything about it ". I also was
committed to doing everything I could, whether I was employed or not, to help
get FC more accepted. I liked these guys and had been talking to them a whole
year.
I went to the library and took out a pile of books on telepathy. What I read
convinced me that the human mind has this ability in spades. The Duke
University study was the most convincing. They took a large group of respected
psychics and one at a time had them ‘remote sense" from LA to a person in
N.Y. The person in N.Y. would look at a picture or a scene outside while the LA
psychic would reproduce that scene in LA. 15% to20 % of the time, the LA
psychic would reproduce to the finest detail the scene the N.Y. person was
looking at. Even if one psychic did it once, that would indicate beyond a
reasonable doubt that the human mind has this capability. The same could be
said for clairvoyance and mind control, though these phenomenon seem to be more
elusive scientifically than remote sensing.
So I have this pile of books at home that I skim through trying to determine
which one I should start with. I go to work and Nick out of the blue says I
should read the little green one. There was only one green book. On the surface
this book appeared to be one of those hoaxy positive thinking tomes about using
telepathy to make money. It was called "Telecult Power". It was a
great help in getting me an idea of what might be going on with these guys. The
premise was that a group of believers in telepathy could get together as a
group, concentrate to get in touch with the "Hidden Brotherhood" and
request something that was agreed on beforehand. It was like group prayer, but
not to God and not necessarily for selfless objectives. It was selfless in the
sense that others banded together to help someone get something. But it wasn’t
necessarily for someone to be healed or suffer less, as we normally think
prayer is used for, but for someone to be enriched, which is considered kind of
evil in normal religious activities. So this is where I got the idea that they
as a group, combined with their other abilities, could posess power. Since 4
out of 5 Autistics are male, I started to think of these guys as the
"Hidden Brotherhood". The thought occurred to me that they could therefore
be God, but I was having enough trouble dealing with this idea of "Hidden
Brotherhood" to deal with that. I began to see them more as a group of
super psychics who may be able to enlighten us on what God was, the nature of
psychic phenomenon and whether Aliens exist and if they do, what role they play
with us.
How I came to believe in their mind reading is important. As I said earlier, I
wasn’t very interested in that possibility when I first heard of it. Not only
because I was clueless on the implications, but it was difficult enough trying
to get people to believe they were talking . Those mean, wise guy skeptics
would have a picnic with this mind reading angle. I didn’t ask them about it
until the spring of ‘93 -ten months after I started Fcing. There was a prohibition
against talking to the clients about it until Feb. ‘93. By the time the
prohibition was lifted, I just forgot to ask them about it. But there were some
unusual things happening in my Fcing. After talking in whispering tones to one
guy, I’d go across the room to talk to another and he’d comment on what we had
been talking about. This happened a number of times and even once between one
guy in the building and another who I was talking to outside the building.
There was a theory knocking about at the time that Autistics had unusually
sensitive hearing, so I attributed it to that. But later on I decided to check
this mind reading thing out. Brent said he read minds and consented to an
experiment. I thought of something and he accureately Fced what it was. At one
point, he spelled out "Jenny". There was only one Jenny in my life,
and my story of Jenny was one of my earliest traumas. In the summer of ‘72, in
the middle of my post grad bohemian excesses, I had an affair (non sexual) with
her that ended in her screwing my best friend while I sat outside the bedroom.
It was very sad and shameful. I forgave them because all of us at that time
were experiencing some values confusion. But it was over between Jenny and I. A
week later she went cross country to LA to take a teaching job. A week after
that I got a call from a friend telling me that she was killed in a car
accident in LA The next day I recieved a letter from her. She probably sent it
the same day she had the accident. Anyway, Brent accureately described the
whole story. I asked him how he could possibly know all that and he said,
" I heard it in Shangrala". I was really miffed at this point, so I
asked him what he meant by "Shangrala”.
maybe Brent was eavesdropping on the
“chatter” of the primordial group-mind of humanity (Jung’s “collective
unconscious”)
“Shangrala” suggests the eternal,
Edenic condition, and also the “inner Earth” Shambhalla, the Buddhist Eden atop
Mount Meru in “Mongolia” – Agartha, etc.
Wash away my troubles, wash away my
pain, with the rain of Shambhalla
Wash away my sorrows, wash away my
shame, with the rain of Shambhalla
How does your light shine in the
halls of Shambhalla?!”
“Shambhalla” (Daniel Moore)
“Shangrala” combined with the “jacuzzi”
reference below also suggest the “vortex of souls” -- the sub-lunary spiral of
incarnation
“Shangri La” is also the original name of the American Presidential retreat in
Maryland, so named upon establishment in 1941 by Eisenhower (re-named Camp David
in 1953 by F.D.R.)
both F.D.R. and Camp David are reportedly connected with acquisition of certain
“power relics” – including, supposedly, a “most precious casket” – and with
“rebuilding” of the Third Temple (of Solomon, son of David, first king of
Israel)
in official descriptions of Camp David,
a phrase that repeatedly appears is that Camp residence allows the sitting U.S.
President “to see the whole world very clearly”
that is a unique, and telling phrase, hinting that some artifact of Power from
the ancient world -- perhaps a “stone” -- is kept at “Shangri-La” (Camp David,
Jupiter Island?) for military, political, or propagandistic use (for “spiritual
warfare,” in other words)
the Tibetan Shambhalla, analogous to the West’s Zion or Eden, is said to
contain a line of divine kings who conserve the inner teachings of Buddhism
against a future incursion of “barbarians”
the legend states that when the “barbarians” and their “religions” come to
conquer Shambhallah itself, a Warrior King will arise to overthrow them and
establish the new planetary age
He said, "The jacuzzi". This gave me a realistic explanation because
there was a possibility that I told that story many years (twelve) before when
I first worked at Seaton Hall. I may have told it in the jacuzzi to some staff
while Brent was there. It was unlikely, but it was possible. But even if he
knew it that way, he would have had to have an extaordinary memory. But now I
know he heard it in Shangrala. Toward the end of the project, Brent made it
clear that I was to include this anecdote. Besides what happened to Jenny, what
happened to my best freind has significance to this story in Part III.
the sub-lunary gravitational spiral,
the “prison of matter” through which incarnation occurs, is a kind of
collective Mind -- also known as the astral plane or “angelic shield,” it’s
often described “objectively” as a tunnel, gate, etc.
I experienced it often as a child,
with strong sensations of spiraling downward “into myself” (in-carnation)
sometimes this was accompanied by
clair-audience
following is a meditation on the Unum Mundum -- from
“Secret Symbols of the Rosicrucians,” at crcsite.org/SecretSymb2.htm
note the “whirlpool of uncertainty”
reference:
Man is always desirous to have the
division of manifold things, and man is always battling, when he could return
to the unity of simplicity, if he only would come in peace. Life's light stands
in the middle to point out to men the way to this first rest, and the Father in
the heaven lets his Sun rise over good and evil: But everything grows after its
own fashion, and man is only too apt to look upon the stars of the
manyfoldness, and in his own discretion, to choose them for his ladders, though
they make him stray many times from the true light, and detain him in the
whirlpool of uncertainty. This whirlpool of uncertainty leads more and more out
of the innermost face of the Sun into the outer (world) and can find neither
end nor place of rest, unless it leads from the outer (world) back again and seeks
the beginning, from which all the smaller star-lights originated.
the “star-lights” infer an
aspect of the host as Gnostic
scintillae, in this context demonic and
evocative of sorcery and the “Powers of the Air” (“ladders” and “make him stray”)
– suggestive also of the Sumerian Igiggi, probably equivalent to the “fallen
host” or Grigori described as being mute and imprisoned in the subterranean
“Fifth Heaven”:
The men took me on to the fifth heaven and placed
me, and there I saw many and countless soldiers, called Grigori, of human
appearance, and their size was greater than that of great giants and their
faces withered, and the silence of their mouths perpetual, and their was no
service on the fifth heaven, and I said to the men who were with me:
Wherefore are these very
withered and their faces melancholy, and their mouths silent, and wherefore is
there no service on this heaven?
And they said to me: These are
the Grigori, who with their prince Satanail rejected the Lord of light, and
after them are those who are held in great darkness on the second heaven, and
three of them went down on to earth from the Lord's throne, to the place Ermon,
and broke through their vows on the shoulder of the hill Ermon (Mt. Hermon,
Harmon) and saw the daughters of men how good they are, and took to themselves
wives, and befouled the earth with their deeds, who in all times of their age
made lawlessness and mixing, and giants are born and marvellous big men and
great enmity.
And therefore God judged them
with great judgment, and they weep for their brethren and they will be punished
on the Lord's great day.
And I said to the Grigori: I
saw your brethren and their works, and their great torments, and I prayed for
them, but the Lord has condemned them to be under earth till the existing
heaven and earth shall end for ever.